BtZ24: T&A Sinema: Mondo Topless

Author's Note: This is the first in a series of reviews of great T & A movies. I got the idea after concluding my Sick Fucking Film series; I needed a palate cleanser desperately. What better to get me past the dehumanizing chore of viewing one assault on decency after another than spending time with the mindless fun of jiggle movies?

My criteria for this series will be simple: no movies containing explicit sex, violence against women, or obvious fake tits. No Cinemax soft core or movies with more "comedy" than skin. Extra points for old school beavers, nudity within the first five minutes, completely pointless showers and wildly inappropriate skimpy attire, and totally improbable female scientists or super spies. Please feel free to suggest titles.

But Russ Meyer wasn't just a fan, he was an evangelist. He sold tits the way Jack LaLane sold juice and pushups. Starting in the early 1950s, as a photographer for Playboy and other men's magazines of the era, Meyer brought class and a certain wholesome ethic to the exposure of skin. Naked women weren't just the subject of men's masturbatory fantasies for Meyer; they were representations of healthy, natural sexuality, albeit of an exaggerated nature.

In 1959, Meyer moved into making movies, with the instant box office smash "The Immoral Mr. Teas." The film, which was revolutionary at the time for depicting female nudity without any pretense of art or science, launched hundreds of imitators in the "nudie cutie" genre. Meyer went on to make dozens of movies, most of which were variations on the theme of the glorification of the female form, or at least the busty, voluptuous ideal he favored.

No movie better epitomizes Meyer's fleshy aesthetic than "Mondo Topless." Made quickly in 1966 when his financial fortunes were flagging due to a few flops (including the cult classic "Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill"), "Mondo Topless" is just a little over an hour of topless women gyrating nonstop to a garage rock soundtrack. That's it.

Meyer fills time with some footage from "Europe in the Raw" an earlier - and weaker - film of his, but the movie is dominated by seven glorious new vixens he unearthed at local strip clubs. What a glorious selection of vintage mid-sixties archetypes! Darla Paris, with her jet black beehive hairdo, mascara, and skin tight hip huggers - jaw dropping, 38HH bountiful Darlene Grey - athletic, sexually frank Sin Lenee - cute Diane Young with her pink bikini bottoms and blond pigtails - buxom brunette Donna X - and the Eurotrashy Babette Bardot. But my favorite, Pat Barrington, is a limb twisting vision of frosted lipstick, bleach blond wig, white go-go boots, and a perfect all around tan. She's a sixties icon come to life - the superhuman blond sexpot.

(In fact, I think I'll start a list and put Pat Barrington on it: Supreme Sixties Sexpots. This would only include stars of the Sixties who appeared nude at least once - which, sadly, excludes Barbara Eden and Elizabeth Montgomery, but could include Julie Newmar. It would feature sizzling stars like Angelique Pettyjohn, Ursula Andress, or Marisa Mell. More details in a future article.)

The movie also features typical over the top Meyer narration with gems like: "But unbelievable just barely describes Russ Meyer's discotheque discoveries - fantastic women, fantastic dances! Featuring the world's loveliest buxotics! You've only dreamed there were women like these, until now. BUT THEY'RE REAL! UNBELIEVABLY REAL!"

Not surprisingly "Mondo Topless" delivers on the T & A goods in spades. Unlike some of Meyer's earlier "roughies" or later films, there is no violence or misogyny, just harmless, innocent jiggly fun. It's the perfect dose of plentiful pulchritude for the deprived depressive, it's also the perfect video wallpaper for a swinging sixties soiree.