One of the first movies under the L.B.P. banner to make a splash in the underground cinema scene was 2001's FILTHY MCNASTY, a flick that set new standards for outrageous grossout insanity in the microbudget filmmaking universe. Along with MULVA: ZOMBIE ASS-KICKER (the picture it was paired with on the historic first-ever L.B.P. double-feature D.V.D. released by J.R. Bookwalter's Tempe Entertainment), FILTHY MCNASTY is responsible for inspiring and informing an entire legion of punky, spunky, D.I.Y. D.T.V. D.V.D. deviants. If it wasn't for Seaver, guys like Kevin Strange and Henrique Couto wouldn't be doing what it is they're doing this very day. S.O.V. movies may not have been anything new when Seaver exploded onto the scene back in the 1990's, but he's the guy who changed the face of the genre. The innovator, the pioneer, the original gangsta. In the land of dirt-cheap backyard-lensed digital video epics, The Seavage... is king.

One of L.B.P.'s most recognizable flagship franchises (behind only Mulva herself... and, well, anything with Teen Ape in it), the FILTHY MCNASTY series now has four entries total, with the most recent one having been completed just a few short months ago. This March, yours cruelly was invited to a pre-release screening of FILTHY MCNASTY 4. That's right, faithful BthroughZ readers, you're about get a very, very early peek at what this new installment has in store for audiences worldwide when it's ultimately unleashed upon the unsuspecting movie-going populace.

But before I delve into the untamed zaniness that is FILTHY MCNASTY 4, I thought it'd be a good idea to give the uninitiated a taste of just what the heck they're getting themselves into here. Here, then, is the complete FILTHY MCNASTY series, from the original old school classic to the brand spankin' new entry hot n' fresh from the fevered imagination of Chris Seaver, reviewed in full for your benefit.

Read on, tenderfooted troglodytes, and get ready to get raped up in yo' cerebellum, friend.

Filthy McNasty (2002) Starring Debbie Rochon, Miss Kitty & Tim Ekkebus Written & Directed by Chris Seaver

Featuring b-movie goddess Debbie Rochon in a leading role, FILTHY MCNASTY is unequivocally great, thanks in no small part to her presence, as well the hilarious performance of Tim Ekkebus (as both Julian and Phil) and the even more hilarious script by good ol' Chris Seaver. Definitely one of the best "old" L.B.P. movies goin', and much better (in my humble opinion) than the much-touted MULVA: ZOMBIE ASS-KICKER.

Granted, this by no means a perfect picture. The Tenacious D-inspired finale is kind of underwhelming (though it is in keeping with Seaver's nihilistic, nonsensical Franz Kafka-by-way-of-Andrew Dice Clay approach to storytelling, and the sheer ludicrousness of it does live up the promise that the rest of the film makes), and, in comparison to more recent, more professional-looking L.B.P. movies, the video quality here is absolutely appalling. On top of that, a couple of the male actors, I swear to Crom, I just wanted to fucking strangle. I'm speaking predominantly about Dave Autovino and John Karyus here. The spastic Jim Carrey impersonations that they try to pass off as "performances" made my blood boil. It's amusing for about a half a minute, then it becomes unforgivably irritating from there on out. The rest of the cast acquits themselves rather nicely though. As mentioned early, Tim Ekkebus kicks boatloads of booty as the sex-demon Phil (who reminds me a little of Oderus Urungus), and keep your eyes peeled for a special cameo from Hugh Jackman! Sort of. Additionally, Debbie Rochon is clearly having a riotous time with her role as well. Overshadowing even her, however, is the curiously named Miss Kitty, who plays Rochon's barely heterosexual gal pal lifemate. Miss Kitty is great, reciting her lines with just the right amounts of sincerity and intentionally over-the-top ridiculousness. Also, she's hawt. Really, really hawt.

What can I say? I've a weakness for redheads.

Also prancing about in this actively stupid slab of silly, surrealist/absurdist buffoonery are the characters of Bonejack (played by Chris Seaver himself wearing, in an irreverent n' offensive invocation of the poorest of poor taste, blackface) and Teen Ape. In all the long and horrid history of Low Budget Pictures, no two characters have ever been quite so beloved as Bonejack and Teen Ape, and it's easy to see why. Intended as a combination of Don King and Bill Cosby, Bonejack is a loveably lecherous crackpot with that classy I've-just-been-electrocuted hairstyle and an unquenchable hunger for Jello puddin'. As promising as that characterization is, what has really made Bonejack such a hit with fans, I think, is Seaver himself, whose wonderfully twitchy performance is strange-beyond-strange. What makes Teen Ape so popular, meanwhile, is something different.

Teen Ape is crass. He's rude, lewd, and crude. He has a gigantic penis, and he has fucked every woman on the face of the Earth with it. Twice. He's a warrior and a poet, also a chauvinist. He's completely reprehensible in every single way. He's an ego-driven narcissist in the worst way, and he believes his own hype. More importantly, so do we. His introduction in FILTHY MCNASTY is instantly a classic scene in the world of cinema. "Speaking of fevered masturbation at breakneck speeds, where is T.A.?" I'll tell ya where he is. In the hearts of all L.B.P. fans worldwide.

Whether double-penetrating a bovine hussy with an unclean beast of the netherworld, or just trying to give a bitch the legendary Cleveland Steamer, Teen Ape is an in-your-face scumbag who has won his way into the wet dreams of almost everyone to ever lay eyes on him. Witness, if you will, this piece of enchanting lyricism which he uses to seduce one lovely lady in FILTHY MCNASTY:

"Listen up, gash. Guess what I'm about to break ya of a little somethin' with. I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna rocket to yo' little crypt. I'm gonna make you feel dirty laundry and pain, alright? And you're gonna be goin' 'Uh, uh,' about to cum. Oh yeah, 'bout to. But no, 'cause I'm gonna kick ya, kick ya so hard in the back o' yo' fuckin' skull. You're gonna be hemorrhaging, right? Feel on the brink of darkness and wonder, girl. And then, when you're, like, chokin' on it, I'm gonna shove my little tendril down your gloryhole. You're gonna be singing 'How sweet it is to be me... 'cause I got fucked by Teen Ape!' Yeah, that's crazy. But then, guess what, bitch. I'm gonna punch you. In the face. So that you're blackin' out again. Then, when you're about to die, when you're about to fuckin' die, yo' gonna swallow on my ten-gallon monk-spunk. I'm gonna smack you in the back of ya fuckin' head and go 'You're the best, 'cause I love ya, bitch.'"

Charming, for sure.

He's a foul-mouthed, misogynistic mix of Michael Jackson, Eric Cartman, Michael J. Fox's character from TEEN WOLF, and any run-of-the-mill horny chimpanzee you might find flinging pawfuls of poo at the zoo. So, really, what's not to like?

Getting back to the movie at hand, overall, FILTHY MCNASTY is a cheeky, freaky concoction that would probably wind up as utter garbage if left in the hands of a less gifted filmmaker. Chris Seaver, with his penchant for ironic, witty dialogue and character-driven humor, which takes inspiration from every different shade in the comedy spectrum, from slapstick to social satire, does low brow z-movie cinema very, very right. He does it a way no one else can.

Some people argue that these kinds of movies aren't "real" movies, because they equate to little more than a handful of nerds and friends running around each others' backyards spewing non-sequiturs and mugging for the camera. I say "balderdash!" What the fuck makes a movie "real" anyway? If you're some pompous buttmunch who thinks that guys like Atom Egoyan or Warner Herzog are the only folks making films worth watching, then you can go suck a dead dog's dick for all I care. Switch your brain off, lower your standards, open your mind, and just have fun with it.

Oh, and if you don't fall in love with Teen Ape the very instant he first appears on-screen, then you just plain don't know how to enjoy life. Period.

Rating: 4 out of 5 bowls of Mario Van Pebbles breakfast cereal Recommendation: buy it
Best moment: "Uh... I was just... lookin' for my mask!"

Filthy McNastier: Maximum Dousche (2005) Starring Tim Ekkebus, Brie Jones & Dave Autovino Written & Directed by Chris Seaver

Who is this kill-crazy companion? None other than palefaced vampire bad boy Razor McBleed (who was previously introduced in an earlier L.B.P. movie, and who has since gone on to appear as the villain in Chris Seaver's demented TWILIGHT spoof, TAINTLIGHT). This bloodsucking, black trenchcoat-clad member of the clan McBleed is just as violent, perverse, and prone to spouting profanity-laced ebonics as Phil, but is also much more likely to randomly go off on a tangent espousing his unconditional love for all things Journey-related, especially Steve Perry ("There is no Journey without Steve Perry," he blubbers, upon hearing that the band had parted ways with their famous frontman).

Truth be told, the first time I watched FILTHY MCNASTY 2, I liked it. But after the excitement of seeing another FILTHY flick died down, so did my appreciation level. This is just one of those films that does not hold up well over time.

I wouldn't advise you to avoid this sequel, and, in fact, fans of Chris Seaver will want to give it a look for the good elements it does sport (which are definitely entertaining enough to warrant at least a single viewing). But when held up against all the other FILTHY MCNASTY movies, the flaws in MAXIMUM DOUSCHE stick out like a sore schlong. Take a chance n' watch it once, but don't expect to be blown away. That's the best I can say.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 mystical hooter enhancements Recommendation: rent it
Best Moment: Hugh Jackman gets his pecker cut off by an easily distracted ninja warrior

Filthy McNastiest: Apocalypse Fuck (2005) Starring Tim Ekkebus, Brie Jones & Dave Autovino Written & Directed by Chris Seaver

A marked improvement over the terminally uneven FILTHY 2, FILTHY MCNASTY 3: APOCALYPSE FUCK represents a slight stylistic shift from the previous installments of the franchise. Besides the fact that the story here is stronger, and more well-thought out than in parts 1 and 2, there's also a noticeable change in that Tim Ekkebus (who played Phil in the previous movies) had left the Low Budget Pictures crew by the time APOCALYPSE FUCK was made, leading to Meredith Host (easily the most prolific actress in the entire L.B.P. catalog) filling the newly created role of D'artagnan, a female from the same clan of Schema sex-demons as Phil.

Why Ekkebus and Seaver parted ways, I cannot say. That's a private matter between the two of them, though it's evident that there was/is some animosity between them. What a drag. To tell you the truth, I miss Tim Ekkebus a little. He was, I feel, one of the better actors in the Low Budget Pictures line-up (at least back in the days of Dave Autovino, ugh), and he did a fantastic n' memorable job in particular as Phil, who will always remain one of my favorite L.B.P. characters of all time. Meredith Host's turn as D'artagnan in this film is respectable, but it doesn't measure up to Ekkebus' Phil.

Talented voicemeister and L.B.P. regular Jason McCall plays the lead this time around. Instead of an ugly chick wishing to be beautiful, McCall plays a likeable everyguy who just so happens to have one little problem. One very little, teeny, tiny, itsy, bitsy problem. I'm saying he's got a small weiner, people!

Unfortunately for him, his girlfriend (who has tits roughly equivalent in mass to the entire state of Rhode Island) finds that her ravenous sexual appetites are far from being fulfilled by his Cheeto-sized fuckstick, and so she leaves his ass like a fart in the wind. Lonely and unloved, the poor boy turns to his closest friend, an armwarmer-wearin' pseudo-punk chick (played by the cute n' perky Jen Stone), for solace. Of course, because her wardrobe is pilfered entirely from the clearance section of Hot Topic, she's an expert in the dark arts (natch), and so, together, the two misfit morons invoke the arcane forces of D'artagnan to imbue McCall's character with a John Holmes-esque juggernaut uber-pecker. But it comes... at a price.

As with every movie that bears the "FILTHY MCNASTY" mantle, the story eventually culminates in a ska-soaked house party, wherein lots of fucking, sucking, and slaughtering ensues in between sporadic bouts of obsessive David Lee Roth worship, spontaneous time travel, and deep reflection upon the true meaning of love and friendship (seriously).

FILTHY MCNASTY 3 takes everything you loved about the first FILTHY flick, flips the genders around, and then throws in zombies, hermaphrodites, and a cameo appearance from Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. just for the hell of it. The film is much, much stronger than the one that preceded it, erasing any and all doubts that Seaver could possibly be just some flash-in-the-pan one-hit wonder. Though Host is, as I already mentioned, not as good as Ekkebus in the role of the sex-crazed, vulgarity-spittin' Schema demon, there's much to like about her performance on its own. Longtime L.B.P. lovers will no doubt relish watching her in one of her most over-the-top, off-the-wall characters ever (especially considering it's a time of role she rarely gets to play, oft-times relegated to playing the token "normal chick"). Also joining in on the fun is Lauren Pushkin, who entertains more here as a monkey-faced hunchback freak of nature than as the irritatingly chipper anime addict from MAXIMUM DOUSCHE, and Noel Williams, once again doing one of her amusingly offbeat, broad comic accents. Teen Ape pops in to soak up some fame n' accolades, but diehard servants-of-The-Seavage will notice right away that there's something not quite right about everyone's favorite sinful, slut-slammin' simian. Since Teen Ape is credited as being played by himself, I won't say that it's obvious that it ain't the usual dude behind that gorilla mask this time. I'll just say that Teen Ape seems to be the victim of identity theft, and leave it at that.

Though one tries not to be too hard on Chris Seaver and his attempts to foist a counterfeit Teen Ape on us here (blasphemy!!!), when watching this film it's impossible not to feel a slight twinge of resentment for the artificial Ape. That's not the only misstep here either. Although I've already mentioned that APOCALYPSE FUCK represents a triumphant return to form for Seaver and his FILTHY MCNASTY franchise, the sad fact remains that, even as it hits all the notes that the first FILTHY flick hit just as perfectly, and even as it gives us flesheaters and futanari as an extra added bonus, something feels a bit unspectacular here. The novelty, it seems, has worn off. Though FILTHY MCNASTY 3 is still more than capable of plastering an ear-to-ear smile 'pon your face, that smile is still somehow not as wide or as shiny as the one that the first FILTHY provoked. The laughs are not as hearty. I chalk it up to the basic plot, being as it is generally the same in every single one of these FILTHY MCNASTY movies, growing slightly stale and feeling a bit redundant. Switching the main characters' genders helps a lot, even more than such a seemingly minor alteration would suggest, but it isn't quite enough. At times, I must confess, it feels like Seaver's script is just phoning it in. For a guy whose writing is easily his best attribute, this is a noteworthy problem. Some of the jokes are just not up to snuff, although the actors reciting them all hit it out of the park this time (a first for the FILTHY franchise). And there are times in the middle where everything just comes across as spotty and shoddily done, and we just want to hurry up and move on to the next scene. Moments drag, while the ending feels somewhat rushed and abrupt.

Mind you, very little of the actual content on display here is deserving of criticism, only the delivery system with which it is served to us. There's a lot of fun to be had with FILTHY MCNASTY 3, but it comes with baggage. If you're still reeling from the weakness of FILTHY 2, then FILTHY 3 may perk your spirits back up... or it might just falter under the weight of having to try to get over the hump that MAXIMUM DOUSCHE plopped in its path. My advice? Despite any reservations you might have after watching the last FILTHY flick, do yourself a favor and give APOCALYPSE FUCK a chance. It's definitely worth watching, and it grows more enjoyable with each subsequent screening. I'd call this bad boy "imperfect, but still wildly entertaining." Check it out, but wear a rubber when you do.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Recommendation: buy it Best moment: chicks-with-dicks bang each other to the death

Filthy McNasty 4: Beyond McNasty (2010) Written & Directed by Chris Seaver

Any talk of the FILTHY franchise losing its luster are enthusiastically quashed here, as FILTHY 4 proves there's still a potent surplus of magic left in the ol' djinn yet.

BEYOND MCNASTY is a bit of a departure from the films that preceded it. More along the lines of Seaver's recent output, FILTHY 4 scales back the shock tactics and grossout sexual outrageousness in favor of the kind of stuff that has become Seaver's calling card: character-driven comedy and a dialogue-heavy script laced with profanities, sly in-jokes, witty one-liners, and meditations on the sort of fringe fanboy fodder that the hardcore geek multiverse is built upon. Yes sir, bad puns, esoteric pop cultures homages, and bizarre non-sequitur one-offs abound (ladies n' germs, I'm tellin' ya, Seaver's dialogue turns the non-sequitur into a fucking artform).

Mind you, that's not to say that there isn't still a metric ass-ton of MCNASTY-brand McNastiness. This bad boy is still overflowing with the kind of frenzied, feverish, downright repulsive sexual depravity that is the FILTHY MCNASTY signature. From examples of live-action futanari to what must be the first and only act time that the subject of "armpit rape" has ever been discussed, BEYOND MCNASTY pulls no punches. And those punches, to be sure, are aimed directly at the unsuspecting audience member's browneye. I'm tellin' ya, this movie will fist you into submission, boys n' girls. Characters in this flick get literally destroyed by dicks, and there's even a scene of ass-to-ass girl-on-girl action... that utilizes an enormous turd in place of the requisite double-dong! What's more, the banana scene (I won't give too many details away here) is instantly the stuff of cinematic legend n' lore, an uneven mix of eroticism, revulsion, and gut-busting comedy. Did I mention that BEYOND MCNASTY also features what has to be the the longest schlong ever utilized in an L.B.P. picture? Hmmm... yeah. In short, this picture is a wall-to-wall orgy of carnal carnage, a cartoonish cornucopia of freaky phalluses, jiggling jugs, festering fecal matter, and an unthinkable amount of meat-beatin'. FILTHY MCNASTY 4 might be one of the most reserved sequels in the series, but it still manages to make the average John Waters movie look like FORREST GUMP by comparison. And despite the fact that there are less bodily fluids and dirty talk here than in some of the previous series entries, the truth is that the imagination/insanity of the grossout gags in FILTHY 4 is far beyond that of even the most unforgettable moments of FILTHY 1. There may be a minor drop-off in quantity, but the quality has improved a hundredfold.

What really makes FILTHY MCNASTY 4 stand out from the rest of its kin, however, is not the hilarious repugnancy of its amoral sex acts, nor the usual parade of nonsensical ridiculousness that is Chris Seaver's impeccable dialogue, nor is it even the fact that my dingaling is finally, slowly overcoming its fear of Seaver's stable o' sluts. No, what really sets BEYOND MCNASTY apart is the way that it features one of the most eclectic, eccentric gatherings of characters in any L.B.P. movie ever. You see, kids, The Seavage is a man who understands that, yes, fart jokes and fuck jokes are all well n' good, but without some endearing characters with which to deliver them, those jokes are just one-dimensional clichés. Good characters, good dialogue, and good storylines: these three things are the most important three things in any film, regardless of how low budget, or low brow, it might be. These three things are also three things that the folks at Low Budget Pictures have never forgotten to include in their ham-fisted tales of ribald raunch and wanton wackiness.

Graduating from smaller roles in flicks like FILM CREW and SKI WOLF, Desiree Saetia (a.k.a. Desiree Dark, Saetia LaReoux) plays a gawky, geeky, homely little Sex Education teacher, vainly trying to inform her empy-headed students about the dangers of A.I.D.S. and all that jizzy jazz. The rowdy retards in her charge include a zit-faced, four-eyed, fat guy-gone-nutzoid (played by Shawn C. Phillips, who you may know from the online sensation that is The Don & Murph Show, or from his appearances in flicks like BANSHEE!!!, ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH, and Chris LaMartina's PRESIDENT'S DAY), Shawnny Ramone (a loveable Joey Ramone lookalike whose performance is based almost entirely on Dee Dee Ramones' role in ROCK & ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, and who is played by none other than, ahem, "Clark Westfield", who is in actuality the founder of the V.H.S. Preservation Society), a pair of hooter-wobblin' bimbos, and, making his glorious return to the limelight, numbskull narcissist (and L.B.P. fan favorite) Choach (longtime viewers should remember him from such past outings as TEENAPE GOES TO CAMP and CARNAGE FOR THE DESTROYER), who brightens everything up with his wide array of psychedelic wardrobe items.

Also popping in for an appearance is recurring character Jock De Queaf (played by The Seavage himself), L.B.P.'s blind cinematographer and Seaver's most deliriously zany character (yes, he's even more of a hoot than the much-loved Bonejack). Furthermore, L.B.P. super-veteran Meredith Host is at the fore yet again as the one sane character amongst this jovial band of disenfranchised rejects. Last but not least, in a pleasant surprise, Jason McCall reprises his role from MAXIMUM DOUSCHE, this time reimagining the character as an Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque viking wackadoo who just happens to be the key figure in the apocalyptic battle between good n' evil surrounding our characters.

The plot of BEYOND MCNASTY sees Saetia's character feeling fed-up with being made the butt of everyone's jokes. In a stylishly done demon-summoning sequence, she opts to try n' solve her problems by striking a diabolical deal with a pair of Schema-breed sex-demons, calling them forth with the curiously convenient aid of a certain readily available "Witchcraft For Morons" tome.

Once again, chaos ensues.

The aforementioned Meredith Host pulls double-duty here, as in addition to her heroine role, she also returns to the grey greasepaint and prosthetic horns of D'artagnan the demoness, a role she seems much more comfortable playing in this outing. This time around, though, D'artagnan is not alone.

As a reward for her Willenium of faithful service, the leader of the Schema tribe puts a new demoness-in-training under D'artagnan's supervision. The rookie in question is played by none other than the lovely Miss Jesse Ames, another one of L.B.P.'s most dependable thespian souls. This kooky new antichrist buddy-cop conceit works well, as Ames and Host have fantastic chemistry together, with Meredith especially shining with her exasperated "I don't wanna put up with this bullshit" attitude. Unfortunately, in one of the precious few flaws apparent in BEYOND MCNASTY, the conflict-filled relationship between these two characters isn't exploited to its full potential, with much of the story being focused on the good guys' efforts to find a way to defeat the sex-demons, rather than on the salacious shenanigans of the sex-demons themselves. All in all, it's a small complaint, and just about the only one I can level in regards to this otherwise near-perfect example of microcinema sweetness.

L.B.P. movies have always been over-the-top, cartoonish, and absurd... but in recent years they've made a subtle shift and become, somehow, even more over-the-top, cartoonish, and absurd. What's more, they've managed to become smarter and slicker at the same time, an almost mind-boggling implausibility that defies expectations. As I said before, it's a shame that Seaver has voiced his desire to make BEYOND MCNASTY the final FILTHY film, as it is, without a shadow of a doubt, the best one yet. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that BEYOND MCNASTY is definitely, with no exaggeration whatsoever, one of the best movies in the entire L.B.P. canon, bar none. I put it right up there with my favorites (SKI WOLF, DEATHBONE, I SPIT CHEW ON YOUR GRAVE, and TEENAPE GOES TO CAMP chief among them). Desiree Saetia shines in what will hopefully be just the first of a long string of main character roles, as she proves herself to be the best leading woman in any L.B.P. production of recent memory. Likewise Shawn C. Phillis and "Clark Westfield" are similarly fucking awesome, with the Shawnny Ramone character sure to become an instant favorite with Low Budget Pictures junkies the world over. Some will say that he's just a one-note character, and those people will, in truth, be very much correct. But that one note he hits, he hits perfectly every freakin' time, and it's a high one.

I was intrigued by the way BEYOND MCNASTY expanded, just a bit, on the LA BLUE GIRL-inspired sex-demon mythos elements introduced fleetingly in the previous incarnations, and I'd like to see that particular element delved into more deeply. Another reason the notion that FILTHY 4 could really be the last FILTHY bums me out. What's more, the familiar "Gargoyle" monster make-up looks better than ever. Okay, actually, I must confess... it has rarely looked more fake. But, somehow, that makes it looks even better than if it were executed more convincingly. Call it the "so bad it's good" effect.

Ultimately, whether BEYOND MCNASTY becomes known as a good movie, a bad movie, or a so-bad-it's-good movie, at the end of the day, what we have here is a sexually rambunctious Scooby Doo adventure from the wrong side of the tracks (you know which side: the side with the dead body and all those used condoms rotting in the dirt). In a sense, FILTHY MCNASTY 4 is kind of like CITIZEN TOXIE, in that it is the truly great follow-up to a similarly great original, separated by two decent, but woefully lackluster, entries in between. If you've never seen a Low Budget Pictures production before, then BEYOND MCNASTY is definitely a good way to start. Even if you haven't seen the previous installments in the FILTHY franchise, FILTHY 4 is a must-see movie that should provide a helluva time to anyone who goes into it with an open mind. Or, better yet, a filthy one.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I need to go punish my dong whilst thinkin' 'bout the "blowjob demonstration" scene. Again.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Recommendation: buy it
Best moment: execution by inverted ejaculation

Chris Seaver's motion pictures are unlike anyone else's. They're unlike anything you've ever seen. Think of him, if you will, as a crazyquilt combination of CLERKS-era Kevin Smith, MEET THE FEEBLES-era Peter Jackson, and any incarnation of John Waters you choose to invoke. There are, have been, and always will be many, many imitators, but no one does, has, or ever could duplicate The Seavage and his amazingly unique, rollickingly transgressive style of no-budget brilliance and day-glo punk rock ambience.

To call these movies quirky is an understatement. More than just epic paens to the wonders of John Stamos and Voluptuous Magazine (yes, that's Voluptuous Magazine model Cherry Brady starring in FILTHY 3), L.B.P. flicks are able to mix archetypes of Norse mythology in with the interests of Max Hardcore... deftly, and to startling effect. Seaver's motley collection of spastic date-rapists are among the most memorable characters ever cooked up in the microbudget underground, his dialogue is always extra choice and endlessly quotable, and the universe that all this goofiness takes place in is one of a kind. It is a universe a lot like our own, but eternally frozen in the 1980's, and with every single person in the entire planet constantly tripping on acid and Viagra. Best of all, with Seaver's skills as a filmmaker constantly improving, his always strong talent for writing resonant, unforgettable stories, situations, characters, and dialogue is being paired with a rapidly developing, newfound skill for eye-popping visual flair. The future is looking bright for L.B.P., and there's no shortage of things to like about Seaver's output.

What I like most about these movies, strangely enough, is the way they make me feel like a kid again. I know how weird and wrong that sounds, but hear me out. I don't know about you, but when I was a kid any passing mention of poop, penises, or porn had me giggling like the immature pubescent nitwit that I was. And I'd be lying if that juvenile jackass wasn't still somewhere inside of me. I like keeping him alive, keeping him around. Deep down, I'm sure most of you reading this do too, regardless of whether or not you're actually willing to admit it to anyone. Anyway, what I'm saying is that Chris Seaver's movies, and especially his FILTHY MCNASTY flicks, bring that part of me roaring back to the surface, rolling as it is with fits of laughter in response to all those mentions of poop, penises, and porn.

To borrow a line from those old Toys R' Us commercials, "I don't wanna grow up!"

Chris Seaver is a filmmaker who reassures me that, hey, if I don't wanna, I don't gotta. His "High Garbage" style of cinema is loaded with references to everything from Saturday morning kids' shows to the spurting, squirting, splooge-splattered legacy of Peter North. Watching his movies is a naughty and nostalgic experience, like breaking into dad's porn stash on a lazy Sunday evening with MASTERS OF THE UNIVERE playing in the V.C.R. It makes me want to grab some Ecto-Cooler n' some T.M.N.T. pudding pies.

Call me crazy if you like. I'm used to it.

Anothing cool thing is that these are movies made exclusively for geeks. For geeks, by geeks. Though Seaver's work may be informed by, and occasionally attempt to court, the mainstream, it never bends over backwards to cater to it. It never compromises it's weirdness to placate it. An L.B.P. movie is an unabashed celebration of geek culture, brought to life via an oddball, and sometimes impenetrable, combination of highly sexualized slang, melodramatic Tolkien-isms, and sub-wanksta ghetto lingo. If you're not a geek, chances are you're not going to "get" these movies. In fact, if you're not a geek, then chances are that at least 60% of all the jokes here are gonna fly over your head completely. But Seaver doesn't care. He's a geek. If you aren't, you don't matter.

Before I go though, I'd like to leave you with one last thing. Something to think about. A lesson I learned from FILTHY MCNASTY, a nugget of wisdom we can all benefit from taking to heart:

"Dying is easy. Anal is hard."

Until next slime...
Stay sick!
Your picked pal,
William Weird.