London Betty (2009)
Starring Daniel von Bargen, Nicole Lewis
and Clint Howard
Directed and Written by Thomas Edward Seymour

 

This comedy is about Betty who, as the title would suggest, is from London. She's a plucky young reporter from the UK come to the sleaziest town in middle America, hoping to change the world by working at a 'real American newsroom.' Unfortunately, her attempts at earnest reporting only land her at odds with the corrupt Mayor over the possession of her pet rabbit.

Yeah, the plot centers around a pet rabbit that gets stolen... no less than three times. Its as low on plot as it is on brow; in exchange, its big on bad taste.

Luckily for Betty, imperiled by the Mayor's coke snorting, karate chopping, sociopath hit-squad, she's got an unlikely admirer in Billy, leader of the chotchsky lawn thieves. This trio of scenery-chewing ne'er do wells, a porn photog, a prostitute, and a... Russian dude... make their living stealing from the township's lawns and selling the ill-gotten goods to other would be victims. But when a friend is in peril these thieves prove themselves capable of... mostly getting their asses kicked.

What else can be said for London Betty? Its a no-budget, tiny picture made by a group of friends with nothing serious in mind. Generally, it works. There are lots of spells where jokes fall flat and delivery fails, but even in a amateur production like this one, at an hour and a half long, there's bound to be some gems to be found. And there are some good laughs, mostly at the expense of Karate Stan, and a certain transvestite Marine.

In fact, the thieves and Betty themselves aren't particularly funny. Despite fair comedic performances by Russian Volgo and Jess the prostitute, most of the jokes are based on pretty stereotypical situations and old observations done long before by more competent comedies. But its the strange cast of the city and their interactions with the main characters that make the movie memorable at all. Betty's perverted, schizo neighbor getting kicked over in his walker, and the citizenry generally getting shot up in the cross-fire between Billy's crew and the Mayor's posse are just a couple examples of how the supporting cast perk things up just when the film goes dry.

There's some definite highlights here. The film makes good comedic use of public domain, classical music to create the score with some bizarre juxtapositions, and the dialogue is generally strong throughout.

London Betty's weaknesses lie in its attempt to bind what should really be a simple string of jokes and outtakes together with a dramatic storyline. The Mayor has some sort of plot to open a cocaine-fueled amusement park in his backyard, and also make giant currency from embezzled pennies... both of which are kind of funny, but neither of those plots go anywhere. In addition there's a lot of drama about friendship and the parting of the ways, but none of the movie is serious enough to give these sequences any gravitas. The writing just isn't there, so instead these scenes just make the movie feel slower.

One thing I can say about Hack Movies [see last issue for more on Hack], for example, is that even though I don't always like their comedy, at least it never stops. Those movies get right to the point, deliver the funny, deliver some blood, and then get the hell out. Wham, bam, thank you guys. LB's got some great jokes in there amid all of the absurd chaos (assholes running amok, as they say), but there's too much extra crap in the way. They try too hard to be something they're not. Hack Movies presents every line as a joke, and when they run out, the film stops. LB runs out of steam, keeps dragging, gets a second wind, and then collapses at the finish-line when it should have stopped a few laps back.

LB shows that this group has potential, though. Its not one most people will want to buy, but again, when you're a small troupe like this, the goal is to showcase, and I think the movie does just that. With some faster editing and a little work on delivering some of that poppy dialogue, they could do well. Its hardly wonderful, but if you appreciate no-budget comedies, its worth a look. For a certainty, I'd take London Betty over, say, Old Dogs any day.

And seriously, any movie they do in the future needs to have Karate Stan appear again. That guy's got dynamite moves.