Never Cry Werewolf (2008) Starring Nina Dobrev, Kevin Sorbo & Peter Stebbings Directed by Brenton Spencer

As the title would imply, this film is a modern adaptation of the fable, The Boy Who Cried Wolf, and also strives to bring the mythos of the werewolf into a relatable modern suburban setting. As the title would imply, this film is a modern adaptation of the fable, The Boy Who Cried Wolf, and also strives to bring the mythos of the werewolf into a relatable modern suburban setting.

It centers on a girl who, while snooping on her neighbor, accidentally spies him murdering a prostitute! This neighbor has some crazy hot pants for our heroin (presented as not creepy, even though he’s 37 and she’s 17), so she takes advantage of this fact to begin an investigation…only to discover her neighbor is a werewolf. Now that the, uh, wolf, is out of the bag, he begins trying to find ways to hush the girl without having to murder her. Unfortunately, he’s not against murdering her friends, or turning them into his hellish werewolf spawn.

The only person she can talk to is late night TV big game hunter Redd Tucker. Red doesn’t actually believe in werewolves…and he’s not actually a hunter, he just acts as one on TV. But in order to earn a little cash and re-launch his career, he offers to help, but is only dragged into….

Wait…didn’t I just review this movie, like, last month? Oh my God, IT’S FRIGHT NIGHT!

Yes, I’m not the first person to say it, and I’m certain that I won’t be the last. Director Brenton Spencer has turned out a film that is either homage to, or a shameless rip off of, Fright Night. And since Fright Night isn’t mentioned in the credits or on the package at all, I’m leaning towards rip-off. Damn Canucks are stealing all of our movie ideas. Next it’ll be our women!

Okay okay. I realize that Fright Night was itself a modernization of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, so it’s entirely possible to create similar, but wholly different movies from the same fable. It’s the addition of Redd Hunter to the cast, as an out of work actor essentially mirroring Roddy MacDowell’s Peter Vincent that really seals the deal for me. Additionally, a lot of vampire mythos and powers are given to the werewolf in order to advance the story. For instance, he can summon mists and charm women with his steely gaze. Oh, and the fact that he’s an immortal ancient, and our main heroin looks just like his deceased girlfriend is one of the most over-used Dracula hooks I could imagine.

Despite all of that, and helped by the fact that the movie stars the delectable Nina Dobrev (Degrassi), I decided to give Never Cry Werewolf a shot, judge it on its own merits, and see if it could maybe modernize or improve on some of Fright Night’s more goofy, dated elements. Did it?

You should be aware before going in that this movie was released Stateside as a Sci-Fi original, with the budget of your typical straight to DVD or TV movie. So, don’t expect a lot of breakthrough visual effects. In fact, I have to say, even with it being a TV movie I was expecting a little more. I guess the $2.5 million budget just doesn’t go as far as it used to these days. The werewolf himself, once transformed, is weeeeak. I try to not hold that against a movie though. Not every film has the scratch on hand to realize the effects they’d like, and sometimes you just have to make due. There’s a way to craft a film and tell a story around budget constraints, and that’s what the film should really be judged on: how well does it tell a story.

In this regard Never Cry Werewolf begins fairly solidly. It begins with the brutal hanging and murdering of a convicted rapist with a very conspicuous neck tattoo (it seems like a very odd make-up choice until you see later that the werewolf wears it as a talisman. Visual linkage at its least subtle, but it is effective.), and the introduction of our snoopy heroin and her geeky younger brother. Though many of the shots are very amateurish, the plot and dialogue move along the beats cleverly enough, aided by the wisdom and hindsight of seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Elements of that show’s humor and story development are lifted and placed on Fright Night’s frame in a way that had me thinking that this new film might actually be able to improve on some of the rough spots of its predecessor.

Nope. Moreover, it eventually added a few of its own.

My two biggest complains about Fright Night have always been two particular plot elements: first that Charlie goes with the police to investigate the vampire’s lair, which tips off the vampire as to who has been snooping around his place… I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure when you tell the police your neighbor is a serial killer, they don’t take you along for the ride. Secondly, the vampire has worked really hard to keep his identity secret, and is pissed that Charlie has risked him being exposed… so his decision to turn monstrous in public and murder two people in a crowded club is totally baffling.

Never Cry Werewolf had the opportunity to side step these issues. For most of the film, I really had hoped that they would, but sadly, they came back to haunt me. Nina calls the cops on her neighbors when her best friend winds up dead, and the cops take her to the suspect’s home, exposing her suspicions to the killer. And the ever-secretive werewolf transforms and goes on a killing spree in the middle of a crowded GUNS AND AMMO store. Not the best choice of battlefields, friend.

Honestly, that’s the point where the movie lost me. I had really been having fun, despite the film’s low budget build, carried by the charm of the cast. And most of the cast really is pretty enjoyable here. Nina is a sexy, if unlikable, lead character, and her friends played by Melanie Seishman and Sean O’Neil are both very enjoyable, funny sidekicks. Even the werewolf, Peter Stebbings, is a pretty cool guy. I know I wouldn’t call the cops on him. I’d probably hang out and ask if I could have a crack at the prostitutes before he ate them. But then when the wolf decides to go crazy in the middle of a store full of guns… I dunno, it just all came across as stupid lazy writing. I think the exact moment the movie jumped the shark was when Nina loads a combat shotgun (having never held one in her life) with four silver bullet-shaped key chains, and fires them at Peter’s wolf spawn, blasting it into a puddle of goo. KEY CHAINS!

The movie just gets clunky from there. Kevin Sorbo’s character (complete with font stolen from Indiana Jones; check out his posters at the gun shop) steps up to deliver a ham-fisted performance, Nina arms herself for the final battle with a crossbow that launches silverware, and the wolf…well, I’ve already told you about the wolf, who not only looks crappy in wolf form, but I guess he also loses all his supernatural powers once he transforms.

But you know, as much as I can sit here and bitch and gripe about this movie, it IS pretty fun. I can’t deny that. It’s not well written, its not well put-together (I’m pretty sure that when Nina kicks the werewolf in the face, they use a fake leg), and its totally unoriginal, but for some reason, I had a fun time watching it.

If you haven’t seen Fright Night, then this is a pretty fun film. If you detest vampires but for some reason love werewolves, I could even see this being a superior movie for you. Solely on the principle that it copied one of my favorite horror flicks, I’ll never buy this film, but if it happens to come on Sci-Fi on a chilly, rainy evening, hell yeah I’d watch it.

Because, no matter how bad it is, this movie was still better than Cursed. Sorry Christina Ricci, I love you and all…but Jesus Christ nothing could save that movie.