976-Evil II (1992) Starring Debbie James, René Assa & Patrick O'Bryan Directed by Patrick O'Bryan Written by Erik Anjou & Rick Glassman

1992's 976-EVIL 2 is one of those movies that should have been a cult classic but it just couldn't cut the mustard. It had all the elements to make a great campy horror film: Gore, a decent predecessor to piggyback off of, cute chicks and exploitation extrordinare Jim Wynorski at the helm. Something got lost in the translation however and although 976-EVIL 2 IS campy fun, it lacks that certain something to make it really stand out and be memorable.

The movie starts off promising enough with a cute blonde with big boobs taking a shower in a school locker room. When the lights begin to flicker she runs through the standard horror lines, "Nancy (or insert any name here), is that you?" and "Look this isn't funny anymore you guys!" I have always said that if no one answers you back after 40 call outs some bad shit is about to happen to you. The hapless and wet blonde (Who has time to dry off when a killer is after you?) runs for her life but ends up getting it through the chest with a large, spiked object.

Suddenly we meet up with Spike (Pat O' Brian, reprising his role from the first 976-EVIL) who is on his way to the town of Slate River via a bad ass motor bike and rocking a serious Richard Grieco-inspired pompadour. Evil has not left Spike alone because he is still receiving phone calls from phones that aren't here. He appears to be not all that satisfied with the outcome of the once helpful calls.

The slaying of the cute blonde is actually victim number 5 in a series of killings by an individual the media in Slate River has cleverly pegged The Slate River Serial Killer. Turns out Mr. Grubeck (Rene Assa in a flashy and absolutely ridiculous performance), the creepy dean of the local community college, is responsible for the killings. His former student assistant Robin (The hot Debbie James) starts seeing visions of Grubeck killing people and tries to warn people more death is on the way but much to her dismay they just aren't buying it. Even her dad who is the police department's resident shrink thinks she is suffering from delusions. I know he is a shrink because he wears glasses. A tweed sweater jacket over his dress shirt and tie and stares off into the distance with a ponderous look on his face while nodding his head a lot.

While being questioned by police, Grubeck insists on getting his one phone call. Guess who he calls? Yeah. He tells the evil telephone number and that he really is not happy with the fact that he hasn't reached the diabolical status that he had hoped for. Who knew 976-EVIL had a complaint line? I wished the conversation would have went something like this:

Customer service rep: "Caverns of the unknown evil, this is Carol, how may I help you today?"

Grubeck: "Hi, yeah, I'm just not happy with the service I have been receiving as of late. I mean, I have been a loyal servant and so far I haven't achieved the level of darkness I should have by now."

Robin and Spike meet up and join forces to try and stop the evil Mr. Grubeck from reaching his goal of possessing Robin's soul in an effort to have his way with her whenever he wants. They split up and during a search of Grubeck's house Spike digs up some old phone bills that show charges from the 976 number. Wow, 976- EVIL has a billing department? Robin on the other hand doesn't find a whole lot while snooping through Grubeck's office at the college. She does however answer his office phone when it rings. Isn't that what you want to do when breaking into someone's home or office? Answer the phone to make your presence known?

We discover that Grubeck has finally achieved his prince of darkness status when he is able to leave his own body from the jail cell through astral projection to kill more people. This scene is truly funny. Watching Assa flop around on the bed like a demonic fish out of water is priceless. Nobody chews the scenery like this guy. He also uses his new powers to visit Robin in the middle of the night and watch her while he sleeps. Poor guy, his now rotting face, which looks like a pound of ground round, is keeping him from becoming the man of Robin's dreams. Morphing into an evil figure can have its drawbacks though.

Hey, this movie isn't without its comic relief. During a meeting between Robin and Spike in a diner over some substandard french fries Robin quips, "Are you the easy rider or the galloping gourmet?". Ha Ha Ha, you are so funny. Can we see your boobs now? No? Ok.

Eventually Spike realizes the only way to save Robin is to kill the spirit of Grubeck. He rides his hog into the night with Grubeck hot on his heels. Spike didn't have a mustache before but in this sequence he does! After he dies however he is suddenly sans the lip rug. I guess the filmmakers thought that the audience would be too tired to care at that point and they were right.

In the end evil wins out when Robin somehow gets arrested for killing, well, the killer. Um, Right. She wasn't the only one punished; the viewer is too with the knowledge that they will never get the last 93 minutes of their life back. Now, I mean absolutely no disrespect to Jim Wynorski with this review, he made BUSTY COPS, BUSTY COPS 2 and is a legend in my opinion. Let's face it, those are classics. They are the CITIZEN CANE of soft-core erotica movies. I mean, whenever you have a character named Licka Lottapuss all I have to say is, "Where do I sign up?"

I just wished instead of making this dreck he would have made BUSTY COPS 3.